Here are sample pages from the book I am working on, sorted by theme.
My literary idols include Renata Adler, Jean Rhys, Virginia Woolf, Mary Karr, Natalia Ginzburg, Alexander Chee, Anne Fadiman, Leslie Jamison, Rachel Cusk, Clarice Lispector, and others.
Themes from a Memoir
The Desert
I grew up in the desert.
The desert is biblical.
My worldview becomes more expansive, and my heart grows several sizes larger, and more compassionate, when I am connected to my higher power.
A detached leg of the dead foal got dragged to the porch of the house like a prize, and that was how everyone found out.
Grief
I am grieving the death of my brother.
“Welcome to this side of it.”
When a child has feelings, but these feelings never get validated by a caregiver, the kid grows up to not know anything about himself, or what’s genuine, or what’s dangerous. He does not know how to love himself.
Home
House, kitchen, garden, roots.
I live at Hermosa Drive.
Being officially un-housed and in transit again has given me a finer appreciation for how ephemeral things are—how easily changeable.
In gardens, there are hard and soft boundaries. Gardening is a good activity for practicing boundaries.
Horses
Horses run wild.
Horses run free.
Magick
Witchcraft is an art form and a way of being spiritual.
It works better sober.
The time has come for me to sit down, roll up my sleeves, and make significant repairs to my own circuitry and wiring.
Because that's what laughter is—a key to unlocking truths larger than ourselves.
New York
I lived there for six years in my twenties.
Every writer should have a New York contact.
I knew from our correspondence that Mina was Iranian-Icelandic by heritage, and she had a sort of witchy interest in Nordic runes and vampires.
In Paris, I’d been in love with my small, ragamuffin band of artists, students, and environmental activists.
Is that distance—the distance between here and people—the reason my brother did not make it?
Paris
I lived there as a student.
I was also an English teacher.
But when he's good, he's so good. And what if my brother had ever made it to good?
The necklace is not the only treasure that's been lost between generations in my family.
People
Literature concerns itself with people, generally.
I like to study people.
A fresh rain has come to cleanse everything, and to water the parched winter earth. The tree roots in my yard will drink deeply.
I must take my lessons from horsemanship: no fidgeting or yanking. Rather, anticipating, finessing, outsmarting.
She was who taught me to put dollar signs in all my work passwords, in order to manifest success.
School
I’m not teaching right now because I went to school drunk.
It’s why my sober date is November 12, 2021.
I wish I could travel back in time and visit that girl. I’d give her a big hug. I’d laugh at her jokes, so she’d know when she’s funny.
The task in front of us now is to find it in our hearts to forgive this woman for the rude thing she said to the waiter.
Sobriety
I was drinking myself into oblivion.
I was trying to drink myself to death.
To be a lady who is interested in allure, in our small desert town, can invite disapproval from the other ladies—with their dry wrinkly faces, their hiking boots and crunchy granola.
Whenever I pull the High Priestess, I know that I need to seek a deeper connection with this archetype.
Time and Memory
What does a clock measure?
Minutes and trauma.
You need to stick to just bullet points for a 10th step. If you start telling a story, that will only escalate your resentment.
Another word for “time-map” might be “schedule.” A to-do list. A how-to manual. A choreography. A poem.
I can’t explain it, but horses know where, when, why, and how to run that road to freedom.
Work (Oeuvre)
Readers of books often get called lazy.
(But if I was lazy, I would not have an oeuvre.)
In moments like these, I need to retreat into my own spiritual work. Take no outside opinions—not until I am certain of my own convictions.
She was always trying to brush loose threads off the shoulders of my coat. Like I was rough around the edges, in a way that perturbed her maternal instinct.